Tips when you live alone, work from home and feel lonely
Also with some witchy/pagan tips
This is not my usual content, but I’d like to talk about some of my experiences. Further down, I also have some witchy/pagan tips.
I have been living alone and working from home since 2020. I have a partner, but for reasons, we do „living together apart“ and it’s also sort of a long-distance relationship where we see each ca. once or twice a month in person.
I cannot work full-time because of health reasons, but I work regulary at home. I do not have phone calls at my work, I mostly text or write e-mails. So I do not have much contact to other people on any given day. My circle of friends whom I meet IRL is also not large.
I like being alone, I need a lot of time and space for myself. However, sometimes, loneliness is a serious problem for me. I am a high-risk patient regarding Covid, so I do not visit events, concerts, gatherings, basically anything with large crowds. For instance, I haven’t been to a cinema or theatre since 2019.
So here are some tips I have gathered in these years. If you are in a similar situation like me, maybe some of them are useful for you. I am aware that some of these tips may not work for everybody.
For working at home
If you work alone and have no personal contact with people, here are a few tips.
Dress as if you were going to a work place. It might be tempting to just keep wearing those pyjamas all day or some casual jogging pants. But you might feel better if you dress nicely. This also helps if the post person or a delivery service person wants to deliver something.
Try to structure your day in such a way that working time and leisure time are clearly separated. Tell people you work with about this, for instance „my office hours are from 9 to 5 from Monday to Friday“. I know this may not work for everybody, depending on your kind of work, but it’s worth a try.
If you can, use separate e-mail-adresses and/or phone numbers for work and private life.
If possible, meet with colleagues or business partners from time to time. I used to regularly visit a meet-up for writers in my city and I very much enjoyed talking to other fellow writers there. I continue to do this online.
Maybe online Co-working is your thing? On Twitch and Youtube plenty of people offer co-working or productivity live streams, for instance for studying, writing, other creative work or something else. Some use the Pomodoro method: 25 minutes working, 5 minutes break and so on (or other time periods, like 40 minutes/10 minutes or similar). In the breaks, some chat with their followers or answer questions and such. All of this can create a sense of community and help against feeling lonely.
When the silence is getting too loud …
If you have the need to hear people talking, listen to Podcasts or Audiobooks. This may give you the nice illusion that somebody is talking to you. You can also do the household chores while you are listening, or work out, do crocheting, draw/paint pictures or color coloring pages or do something else.
Youtube has basically everything: Interesting documentaries on all sorts of topics. Cosy ambience videos. Educational videos. Witchcraft and pagan folks who share their experiences, their knowledge and more. Youtubers with social commentary. Lectures, talks, interviews and so much more. In some videos, you can only see a person talking straight at the camera, with no other images or video clips. You can basically turn away from the screen and just listen, which can be great if you want to do something else.
Music: I have playlists for all sorts of occasions. Reading or writing. Doing household chores. Fitness and work outs. Music is such a wonderful thing because it can be stimulating for the brain and invoke all sorts of emotions. If you do not live in a very noisy house, you can also sing along out loud, which may feel very good. Or maybe you feel like dancing around in your home?
Leaving your home
Try to go out at least once a day, even it is only for a short period. This could be just a walk around the block, a short trip to the grocery store, or taking out the trash. I know this can be especially hard in Winter with its cold and short days, with rain or snow. But it’s worth a try. And don’t beat yourself up if you cannot manage do to this each day.
Scheduling time with your friends/family/acquaintances
There may be times when you cannot see your friends/family/acquaintances in person. Alternatives to this can be phone calls or video calls which are a bit more personal than text messages. I like to schedule phone or video calls with a set date and time and write this into my calendar, so that it is less stressful for the two of us. (I get seriously annoyed when I don’t know if or when someone will call me).
Online communities
There are online communities for all sorts of things and fields of interests. Various Social Media, Discord servers, Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook groups, Forums and more. If that is a thing for you, please consider the following:
Do not engage with trolls and haters. (1) „Do not feed the trolls“ is good advice for a reason. To say it differently, „Life is too short for arguing with strangers on the internet“
Surround yourself with like-minded, kind people. This may be good for your well-being. Find safe(r) spaces. Look at the rules of groups and communities, these may show if it is a safe(r) space or rather not. If a group has an active team of admins and moderators, that is mostly a good sign too.
If you enjoy debating stuff with strangers on the internet, there is plenty of room for that, too. Just think of comment sections on Social Media, or Reddit or other spaces.
A hobby, a pet or plants
If you can, pursue a hobby, if possible one which involves you getting out of the home.
Or consider a pet if you have the means and the time to take care of it. Please consider the „adopt, don’t shop“ model for this. (2)
Plants can also be great if you have a talent of being a good plant parent.
You can also talk with a pet or a plant (yes, no kidding).
Sport
Fitness, work out, team sports, dancing or else have several benefits: You can get together with other people regularly and it’s also good for your physical and mental health. If you want to, find a sport that suits you best. If you feel like you’d rather do a sport alone, of course this is also possible, for instance jogging or Yoga and fitness that you can do at home.
Journalling
Have you had a diary as a child or teenager? Maybe start this again. This can help to sort your feelings and thoughts. It doesn’t have to be a fancy journal for handwriting, unless you want that. For years, I have been using text files on my computer for journalling and I turn them into a printed book copy when I have reached 200 pages or so.
Inner guides
Sometimes when I feel lonely and I cannot get in contact with anybody for some reason, it helps me a lot to talk to my inner guides in a visualisation. More about this see footnote (3).
Witchy/Pagan Tips
Sitting at your altar
This tip is from Kelly-Ann Maddox. Instead of a big ritual, you can simply grab a beverage and/or a snack and sit in front of your altar. Feel the energy of it. Or, if you feel like it, you can talk to the deities or entities you work with, in a conversational way. It doesn’t always has to be prayers, invocations and such. Yes, it may feel strange to talk to them out loud, especially because it’s likely they will not respond directly. But then, think of pets and plants. They cannot talk, but it feels good to talk to them anyway, doesn’t it? You can also talk to your entities silently, in your mind.
Gratitude
It can be helpful to think about the things you can be grateful for from time to time. If journalling is your thing, write down lists of all the things and people you would like to thank. You do not have to actually do this, if it is not possible. Thinking about it can be also very good for your well-being: What impact do these things or people have on your life? How have they changed your life in a positive way?
A daily practice?
I know I have written in another blog about how daily practices may not work for everyone. However, if you have established a daily practice for yourself, this may also be beneficial for structuring your day. It may also be something to look forward to every day. Just don’t turn it into a chore you have to do under any circumstance. It should be joyful, after all. As Dagulf Loptson points out in the book „ Pagan Portals - Loki: Trickster and Transformer“: “A daily practice should never become guilt-ridden drudgery.”
Footnotes
(1) more about trolls in online spaces: „New research shows trolls don’t just enjoy hurting others, they also feel good about themselves“
https://theconversation.com/new-research-shows-trolls-dont-just-enjoy-hurting-others-they-also-feel-good-about-themselves-145931
(2) „Adopt, Don't Shop: Choosing Compassion Over Convenience“
https://www.nationalhumanesociety.org/post/adopt-dont-shop-choosing-compassion-over-convenience
(3) I have written a blog about this here:
https://cavorta.substack.com/p/working-with-inner-guides